Arty Farty

Back from California

nobody@vox.com(ArtyFarty) — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 11:30:05 -0800

I spent about 8 days in Dana Point and Los Angeles for an extended Thanksgiving trip. It was fun getting to be a sort of tourist in my own city as it were. However, I never want to go back there for that long again! As much as it is nice by the beach and getting around to certain shops and museums, I was glad I didn't live there anymore. As I drove around all I could think was, "I never want to die here". As ugly as Cleveland can be at times, L.A. and Orange County can be just as ugly, but in a different way. I had so much friggin' fun with my friends who I haven't seen in ages, but that can never mask the uneasiness and stress I feel anytime I set foot anywhere in SoCal. I always feel manic energy spewing from the basin, and my pulse rate goes down once I get to the desert or further north. Anyhow, it was a long trip for me, and even though I skipped going to some old haunts, here's what I remember:

- Giving a neck massage to a large goat at a petting zoo. Because all animals deserve a break I think.
- A small boy falling into a swimming pool, me fishing him out in a panic, only to have him say, "that was awesome!"
- Getting lost downtown with my friend trying to find a party, "I feel like it is 1990 and I'm trying to find a rave"
- A mod dance party on the set where they film CSI Miami laboratory scenes.
- My friend getting bitched out for daring to play Led Zeppelin at the dance party.
- Lots of Tecate
- Spray painted pictures of Che everywhere, which turn out to be pictures of Stallone for the new Rambo movie.
- A $100 gallon of KY Jelly at the Westwood CVS, with full hand-pump included.
- Loads of art shows in Culver City, Laguna Beach and Beverly Hills
- A rather famous artist sending dirty -- therefore hilarious -- emails to my friend.
- Shuffleboard
- Dancing in a parking lot
- Getting lost in Beverly Hills, "I'm in front of Michael Kors, what street is that, where am I?"
- A stripper pole in someone's dining room.
- Riding around in the back of a Rolls Royce for an afternoon to various museums.
- The Murakami exhibit, which was so out of control and such overload that I couldn't even sleep that night.
- Watching the rough edit of Snoop Dogg's new reality show to give a critique on it.
- The "Salvation" sign at the Silverlake Lounge, it had been so long since last I saw it.
- Drinking more Starbucks than ever in my life.
- Getting stuck on the 405 for two and a half hours (it wouldn't be a trip to L.A. without that)

I forgot my camera on this trip, but it isn't like people don't see pictures of SoCal cities and art shows all the time anyways. But yes, that was what I've been up to. While on my trip, I had a new painting drying, and finally here she is...

Margaret of Vienwray

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I Give You: Oliver Reed

nobody@vox.com(ArtyFarty) — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 12:02:59 -0700

I have strange interests in actors/actresses past. Especially the kooky ones. Joan Crawford, Ava Gardner and Mary Astor are just some. My man now of many years has been Oliver Reed.

"The thing women will never forgive, is that men fuck them" -- Oliver Reed.
I hate to say it, but damn if that doesn't sum it up. Though it is sad he died from basically being an alcoholic, chain smoker, and probably had a number of STDs, he sure had fun doing it. To go on an intellectual TV show with feminist writers and say things like:

"No Bullshit, its all down to whether she wants to get shafted"
"I'll put my plonker on the table if you don't give me my mushy peas" and
"I've had more fights in pubs than you've had hot dinners girl!"

I mean, that's just awesome on so many levels! Oliver Reed is in the same cannon of fucked up-alcoholic-messy-spitting-piss-off-where's-my-scotch-come-here-girl-give-us-a-squeeze actors such as Richard Harris and Peter O'Toole. He went from being a beautiful boy, to a complete mess over the course of his career. There were no rules for Mr. Reed; I'm always in awe of those people who are such a mess yet manage to get by and maintain a fabulous lifestyle, all while keeping a career going with comebacks.

My first intro to Oliver Reed was Zero Population Growth, a film that pretty much planted the seed of my population control stance as a youngster. That same year I saw him as Zeus in The Adventures of Baron Muchausen. Later in college I happened upon his first film in Beat Girl, he basically just dances and wears a flannel shirt that looks very out of place in the whole movie. I rented The Assasination Bureau, in which he stars, but it was a movie with promise that went to utter crap within 15 minutes. And then, I loved him in The Brood, the only movie to give me nightmares as an adult. I don't know what it is about Mr. Reed, but I love him so. Here are some clips that show him at his most gorgeous and then trailing down into drunken humiliation. There was a famous bit that's no longer on YouTube where Oliver Reed, dressed in biker threads and bare chested, sings "Wild Thing" to the audience. I think it may have been a Phil Donahue episode. One of his last films, was Gladiator.

Oliver Reed The League Of Gentlemen 1959

Oliver Reed - Paranoiac

Oliver Reed Talk Shows

Oliver Reed After Dark January 1991 Part 3

Oliver Reed drunk on Aspel

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Wouldn't Be Caught Dead In That Dress

nobody@vox.com(ArtyFarty) — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 16:31:36 -0700

After reading my Joan Crawford book, a friend pointed out this video to me. Oh the 80s: big hair, big belts, shoulder pads, pounds of rouge, and home made smoothies. You know for a "big TV star" her closet kind of looked like crap even with all her lucite drawers. Or maybe it is just her clothes looked silly both on and hanging up. And Brenda, a gold lame dress like that never looks good....ever.

Brenda Dickson "Welcome To My Home" ~ Part 1

Brenda Dickson "Welcome To My Home" ~ Part 2

The only 80s fashion type thing I want right now is this, because I never liked the real band The Misfits, except maybe two songs anyways.

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Movie Crisis

nobody@vox.com(ArtyFarty) — Sun, 04 Mar 2007 15:32:47 -0800

Movies have gotten better in the past few years, at least enough that I bother seeing one or two a year that are "new". I'm still really pissed that The Departed (which I thought was excellent) turned out to be a Hong Kong movie originally, thus re-enforcing my stance that NOTHING original is ever made in Hollywood.

I went to CalArts years ago and studied art, animation and film. To tell you the truth, I enjoy movies much more now that I'm not obsessing over technical aspects and various other art school bullshit. While there, I came across so many people with great scripts, just even in our script classes and meetings. Even more scripts were lining the shelves of the post-production office I interned at breifly (though I have no idea if any of them were good). Point is, there are tons of great scripts floating around that are original, but hardly anyone takes a chance on them. And when I say original, I mean that in they are not A. Predictable B. Trying to be quirky on purpose C. Revised from a book, foreign film or graphic novel and D. Not toyed with a rewritten by the Development Department. I considered at one time becoming a D Girl just because it seemed really easy for me:

A d-girl or development girl is a person in a film production company who is responsible for finding and identifying potential movie ideas for their development into a script. Also, they are responsible for writing script coverage for scripts that arrive at a production company. Typically, a d-girl is the entry-level position in a film production company.

But they don't pay shit, they don't care that you might have some insight, and really, just want to make sure you know how to operate a xerox machine. A degree from Harvard means nothing in L.A. unless you know how to work a xerox and three-hole punch. Those junior VPs who green light have a life span of two years in those production offices, they also do tons of drugs and get happy with the red sharpie even if their revisions make no sense. I don't like naming names, but I can think of quite a few instances where the senior person doing the revisions and production notes for book adaptations, never even read the books! Okay for instance, there was a guy doing character design and co-writing the script for what was to be an animated version of Moby Dick. He was doing all of this, having never read the damn book! Yesh.

Still, the fact that every movie I watch today it seems like I could have written it as a joke. Movies I have never seen before I can predict EVERYTHING down to when the "slow clap" will chime in. I stopped going to movies because so many are terrible, it is very hard to tell which ones to bother with even. How many more 70s TV shows will be churned out? At the same time, people still go to these things. Elsa Maxwell said, "No one ever went broke in Hollywood by underestimating the intelligence of America"

I prefer to stick to my pre-1975 format, it seems to work for me. Still, I'm renting the original Hong Kong version of The Departed.

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Ancient Movies

nobody@vox.com(ArtyFarty) — Wed, 21 Feb 2007 14:43:56 -0800

I remember when I was 20 or so, a younger guy from my college says, "Have you seen, like, every ancient movie ever made before 1965?" Well, I haven't of course. But it is scary that I recognize and know the names of actors from before 1945 all too often. I even know who else they've co-starred with, what directors, who they hated, who they slept with and any possible scandals as well. Maybe I should have been a guide at the Max Factor Hollywood Museum afterall? Anyways, here some "Ancient" movies I dig, and maybe you will too.

She runs a car company, yells a lot at board meetings, sleeps with all her hot male employees and has a kick ass pad to boot. This movie is worth it alone for the art deco set design. As for the message that women should act like women and be soft and cuddly and not in any sort of power position that would make her husband feel inferior? Eh.

Warren William likes to play bad guy workaholics who do business any way they can. In this he plays a very driven Department Store manager; I've noticed men who have seen this movie just love his character. It is also very interesting to see how department stores used to operate, and all the jobs that no longer exist. Of course there's drama and suicide too. At one point Warren even gets Loretta Young drunk on champaigne and bangs her while she's unconcious. Again, worth it for the costumes and sets.

Are there any Warren William movies during this period where he didn't play a ruthless business man gone bad, who enjoys getting young girls drunk on champagine and banging them while they are unconcious? Well, I suppose "Imitation of Life", but that's gotta be some strong champaigne indeed! Anyways, here is a lovely pre-code film with all sorts of drama and suicide...again.

How can you look at this picture and NOT want to see it!? And mind you, Joan Crawford and Norma Shearer really did hate eachother that much -- they aren't acting! This movie is "all about men". There are no men in the movie actually, but you get enough catty one-liners and ridiculous costumes that they would look out of place. Joan Crawford and her bath tub are a hoot, and the movie actually goes into color for one segment: the fashion show. Again, I'm not too crazy about former playwright/congresswoman/ambassador Clare Boothe Luce and her message in all of this. Keep the husband at any cost, even if he is a lying, cheating, deserting son of a bitch.

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